Schizophrenia continued

I’m sick again. I hate being sick. My mind gets all fuzzy and I can never think as accurately as I need to. I already have issues with being as on top of things as I should be, and now I’m stuck moving in slow motion and seeing through a thick film. Nothing feels as real as it should feel. And this is the second time in as many weeks that I am like this.

This will be a short post because I need to go to sleep. I spent half of the night last night trying to sleep and the other half being kept awake by evil cats. These cats wanted nothing to do with my sleep. They hated the idea of me sleeping. They wanted my sleep dead. Thank god I’m back in my dorm room. Glaring white walls, rubber-plastic blended mattress, somewhat soundproofed walls… that’s what I call home. Or at least it is what I call one of my many homes. I seem to collect them as I go.

I fervently hope, with all of my heart, that we do not have a fire drill tonight. However, because I am sick and in no position to be tramping outside at two in the morning, I imagine that tonight will be the night. So I will leave my coat within reach when I go to sleep. I would prefer the cats to a fire alarm.

Lately I’ve wanted to spend an entire day doing nothing. Just lie in bed and watch movies. Friends optional and preferred. I think that the next time I will get to do that will be on June 8th. Two days after graduation. I think I’ll need a few weeks of detox before I throw myself into the bookstore. I shouldn’t be this sick.

I’ve had a phrase going through my head all weekend. “Sobre Ebriedad.” It’s the title of an essay in Spanish by a fellow that has some very progressive ideas about the relationship of the state and drugs. It means “On Sobriety” or something like that. There’s a double entendre in there that I can’t quite make out in my semi-conscious state (because the word for sobriety is sobriedad). If you’re interested and can speak Spanish: http://www.escohotado.com/articles/sobreebriedad.htm. If not, so be it. I tend to be interested in things. I feel like a dog chasing every car that passes sometimes. Sure! I’ll do two theses! And another advanced project in educational policy? Why the fuck not?!

Anyway, I’m going to sleep. When I wake, I won’t need to take any more Sudafed. Or Asprin.