Lord I was born a ramblin' man

When it's time for leaving, I hope you'll understand.

Facing the rest of my life as an unsegmented whole with only prospective plans to mar its unblemished surface is daunting. I know it's a false perspective to see it like that; like a man staring up at a sheer cliff face without looking down at how far he's already come. Still, there are ways of seeing things that are pretty ingrained in my skull regardless of conclusions I've come to proving the contrary.

There are things I am supposed to do now. Go to grad school, get a good job, make money, start a family, buy a house. It's a shame I won't live forever. I want to do all of those things. But not right now. I have too much to do first.

When I finally do get to settle down, I'll probably be approaching eighty.

Things I need to do before I start a family and find a place I want to live for a while:

• Start the bookstore
• Start the accompanying programs
• Go back to school
• Publish some short stories
• Live somewhere else for a while
• Explore
• Publish some scholarly works
• Figure out what I think is important enough to do for the rest of my life, and find an equivalent career
• Find the right person/people to work/live with

Things I can do after I start a family:

• Work at the bookstore/accompanying programs
• Help start a school
• Write a book/more short stories/more scholarly works

I guess the difference seems to be mobility. I like being able to, at the drop of a hat, leave. Despite its strains, I think that I like living at three different places at the same time on some level. I can't get comfortable like I could in college, but part of me really does not want to get comfortable right now.

I want to move. I want my own space. Are those two desires incompatible? Whenever I travel I am sure to rent or share space, never to own or settle. When I stay still long enough, the space I stay in becomes my own. Can I shrink down what I consider to be my "own space" enough to travel with it? A few possessions (a few books and a towel)?

I don't think that would work. Possessions are not the same as space. I think it is familiarity that composes the kind of comfort I am seeking.

I do not want to stay where I am for too long. It is a nice area, but I have the itch to keep moving. And to form lasting attachments.

I am unclear.